A Waiting Hope
"God has given us both his promise and his oath. These two things are unchangeable because it is impossible for God to lie. Therefore, we who have fled to him for refuge can take new courage, for we can hold on to his promise with confidence. This confidence is like a strong and trustworthy anchor for our souls. It leads us through the curtain of heaven into God's inner sanctuary."
~ Hebrews 6: 18-19
(The picture at right was taken during my days with Mercy Ships. We got to see a sunrise on top of one of Tikal's Mayan Ruins in Guatemala. Life with God is always an adventure.)
Some of the fondest memories I have of my time spent on board the Caribbean Mercy were the nights I would meander up onto our boat deck during our 2-3 day long sails out at sea. I would stand on the edge gazing straight up at a star-filled sky while salt mists would spray my face. It fascinated me that the ship cut so effortlessly through the ocean's waves and currents. The ocean's water was never as brilliant as it was during those sails at night, when the darkness of the water would sparkle with the iridescent creatures that made their home there, visible only in the night when the ship's bow would slice the waters apart and churn the water so perfectly that one could glimpse a bit of the life occupying it's vastness. During those moments I was keenly aware of just how small I was, just how powerful God is, and in awe as my heavenly father would embrace me in the simplicity of what He created. Somehow in those moments my heart didn't feel so broken, and I didn't feel so lost.
That was nearly 8 years ago now, so hard to believe. God has had me on a journey ever since, really, long before that even, and the road from broken to whole has been one of patience and waiting. There are times that hope seemed a far stretch from reality. Anyone who has ever experienced the pain of a broken heart and brokenness in general knows why God calls us to guard it - it really is true that our heart is the well spring of life. When it breaks, it's almost as if you shatter in pieces from the inside out. It's an emotional pain so intense that it's felt physically, in every sense imaginable or unimagined. But, it is also true that God draws near to the broken-hearted. In those moments, hours, days, years after the initial break I felt God's presence in ways I could never have dreamed of. There was never a moment that I walked that road alone - God showed Himself in some of the most amazing and awesome ways. He truly was an anchor for my soul, and He remains so today.
To be honest, I'm not sure what God is up to these days. I know He is moving, yet, I'm one that likes to see everything line up in a just so ideal and perfect way. I want to see things happen, not piece by piece or step by step, but, all at once. In other words, I want the whole package. As my husband would say, I want it spelled out in the sky so there is no question I'll miss it. I'm bad, horribly bad, at waiting. It's not our human nature to wait, and patience is one thing that God continually has me practicing. The opportunities He has been presenting to me lately are at times overwhelming and beyond what I feel I can emotionally handle. God is calling me to tap into all those past moments when everything around me seemed to crumble - all those years that seemed spent in ashes He now wants me to pick up and allow Him to restore and use for His glory. God is asking me to share, open and honestly, with those that are hurting and needing hope in their lives. I have prayed for these opportunities for years, prayed that God would use me to encourage those that are in desperate need of Him, yet, now that it seems God is beginning to move, I stand at the threshold of His plans trembling. There are days that the vulnerability such openness requires has me taxed and stretched far beyond what is comfortable or safe emotionally. He is calling me to comfort those as He has comforted me. God's call is both exhilarating yet frightening all at once. In some sense, I feel like an Abraham not quite sure where I am going yet called to go, and in another, much like Moses - feeling as if I'm completely inadequate and ill-equipped for the task at hand. This, however, couldn't be further from the truth. God's word clearly states that He enables, He equips, He calls, He strengthens, He protects. He simply IS. God has been my refuge and as the scripture states above, I can take new courage today and hold onto His promise with confidence. Not self confidence - but confidence in Christ. He is faithful. He always has been, He always will be. My only prayer is that I would remain one who has the faith to believe that God will open the right doors in His timing, and that I would recognize Him when He shows up, and even more importantly, that I would have the strength to obey. He is the anchor of my soul. To me, today, this resonates so deeply within me that I know when I feel that tremble of fear set in or that shadow of doubt attempt to sift me like sand in water, I can know that I have feet planted in a foundation that is unshakable, Christ. As I wait, today, and tomorrow, and for all the days ahead, I can rest in the assurance that God is my cornerstone, He is my anchor, my ever-present help in time of need. God is the hope that I have. May He keep me humble, my heart tender, and my eyes open to allow Him to use me in whatever capacity He desires, that He may receive all the Glory and Praise for a life restored and used by Him.
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1 comments:
I feel ya, babe. Hang in there!
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