Scribe's Landing . . . Writing To Encourage

2010-07-20T09:28:00.011-05:00

When God Seems Late

Four days, ninety-Six hours and five-thousand, seven hundred and sixty minutes later Jesus arrived. By anyone’s measure of time Jesus was late. Lazarus was dead. Four days dead. Common Jewish belief of the day was that the soul lingered near the body for three days after death in hopes that it would return to it. Lazarus had been dead longer than this, just a day past the point of hope. Lazarus was irrevocably dead. Measured in moments Lazarus’s death could be accounted in the following: One day for the time it took the messengers from Bethany to arrive where Jesus was, two days for the time that Jesus stayed away, and another day for the time it took Jesus to travel to Bethany. Many Jews had already come from Jerusalem to Mary and Martha in order to comfort them, but Jesus, their friend, the one whom loved Lazarus, was absent. Confusion must have been thick in the grieving sister’s minds. Just three days prior Mary and Martha had sent a messenger to Jesus saying the one he loved was sick. Not just a passing kind of sickness, but the kind that had prompted a frantic appeal of two sisters who knew their brother lay dying. Where was he, why had he not he come? They must have sat waiting, sat praying, sat hoping that at any moment Jesus would return and their brother would be well again. Each day lingered, each morning passed, until finally, not long after the messengers were dispatched, Lazarus breath became a whisper and then was gone. Hope turned to despair, life gave way to death. For four days Lazarus lay wrapped in strips of linen and cloth, his body giving way to the effects of decomposition. Mary and Martha had known that Jesus could have prevented this, Jesus could have saved Lazarus, but he didn’t. Mary and Martha had no way of knowing that even though Jesus loved them and Lazarus, he had chosen to stay where he was for another two days. They had no way of knowing that it was for God’s glory that Jesus did this, for their own sakes that Jesus tarried, that He, God’s son, would be glorified through it. All the grievers could see were the burial clothes, the closed tomb, and the dead man behind the stone. Yet Jesus wasn’t late. He was right on time. Lazarus’s death was less about timing and more about life than anyone could have even known. Not just Lazarus’s life, but there very own.

There are so many times in life that I feel much as Martha and Mary must have felt. Circumstances that I can’t help but feel are hopeless. Moments I think that God’s too late, or that He simply chose not to show up. After all, God is God and He can do anything, right? Through agonized pleas and prayers I question, doubt, and wrestle with the God who can do all things. In my mind I know this to be absolutely true, yet my vision becomes clouded, my ability to discern compromised by feelings of loss and the pressing demands of the circumstance it’s self. I too easily forget that God is more invested at times in the process than the petition. Life is less about me and more about God’s glory. Jesus waited to come to Lazarus’s family because there was more at stake than Lazarus’s physical life. There was a truth to be revealed, a spiritual lesson to be learned. God can do anything. “I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in me will live, even though he dies; and whoever lives and believes in me will never die. Do you believe this?” asks Jesus in John 11:25-26. I ask myself this very same question, do I believe this?

The reality is that life is difficult. Very difficult. We were not promised that we would be spared from pain, grief, loss, persecution or heartache, or exempt from sickness or even disappointment. What we were promised was God himself, an everlasting life in the hands of the Father if we are willing to lay our own lives at the foot of the cross. Our walk with the Lord is not simply a supplication, but rather an absolute surrender of everything we are, everything we hope to be, everything we desire, every fiber of our being that Christ may be supreme and glorified. A lifting down of self so that Christ may be lifted up, into His proper position, High and exalted. Do I want Christ more than anything else? Am I willing to die and lose my life so that I may find it in His merciful embrace? These questions are personal and difficult. Not until the stone was rolled away and Lazarus stood, his hands, feet, and face still wrapped in cloth, did many believe. What amazement must have filled the mourning crowd, what awe must have been present as the people helped Lazarus remove his burial clothing. The stone had been rolled away and Lazarus and been resurrected. The impossible had turned miraculous. Many saw, many believed, many put their faith in Jesus that day. Jesus moved that day in the way God his father directed, not how people demanded. The question, at least for me, is can I recognize God’s hand in my own life, even if it works in the unexpected ways that go contrary to my own and realize that God is in the process of doing the miraculous? God’s alive, He’s working, and He’s not late. No matter what my heart may feel, God is working out His plan, in His way, and in His timing. He does this so others can see Him more clearly, so that He alone may have all the glory. Yes, God’s not late. He’s just not done yet.

2010-02-05T11:32:00.004-06:00

To Praise Him

I've been horrible at updating. Here I am trying to become more diligent in writing and it seems as if I fall further and further from where I want to be. Not for lack of motivation, but more, lack of perseverance and discipline. Plus, it's been a rather tumultuous past month. I keep telling myself that I'll wait until life returns to "normal," but then, most times I'm left wondering what "normal" really looks like and if life will ever become what my perception of what that most elusive word should be. Instead, I'm working on being content, no matter what the circumstance. In working on contentment, I'm learning that it also goes hand-in-hand with praise. Praise, because unless we are training our eyes on Christ, it's nearly impossible to do so. The circumstance in question becomes too distracting and I find it easier to let the difficulty cloud my view of a most Holy, gracious, and powerful God. A God who despite our unfaithfulness, is so very, very faithful. If I am looking only at my circumstance, I forget to worship, forget that in God all things are held together, forget that to God, nothing is too big for Him. I forget to praise Him, and as I do, my heart becomes heavy, burdened, almost unbearable. It becomes discontent. I have been enjoying reading Ruth Meyer's "31 Days of Praise." Here is an excerpt from that book entitled, "Acts of Praise, Your Most Basic Act of Worship";

"Lord, I'm Yours. Whatever the cost may be, may Your will be done in my life. I realize I'm not here on earth to do my own thing, or to seek my own fulfillment or my own glory. I'm not here to indulge my desires, to increase my possessions, to impress people, to be popular, to prove I'm somebody important, or to promote myself. I'm not here even to be relevant or successful by human standards. I'm here to please You.

I offer myself to You, for You are worthy. All that I am or hope to be, I owe to You. I'm Yours by creation, and every day I receive from You life and breath and all things. And I'm Yours because You bought me, and the price You paid was the precious blood of Christ. You alone, the Triune God, are worthy to be my Lord and Master. I yield to You, my gracious and glorious heavenly Father; to the Lord Jesus who loved me and gave Himself for me; to the Holy Spirit and His gracious influence and empowering.

All that I am and all that I have I give to You.

I give You any rebellion in me, which resists doing Your will. I give You my pride and self-dependence, which tell me I can do Your will in my own power if I try hard enough. I give You my fears, which tell me I'll never be able to do Your will in some areas of my life. I consent to let You energize me...to create within me, moment by moment, both the desire and the power to do Your will.

I give You my body and each of its members...my entire inner being: my mind, my emotional life, my will...my loved ones...my marriage or my hopes for marriage...my abilities and gifts...my strengths and weaknesses..my health...my status (high or low)...my possessions...my past, my present, and my future...when and how I'll go Home. I'm here to love You, to obey You, to glorify You. O my Beloved, may I be a joy to You!"

And to this prayer I utter the words AMEN! May I seek this in my life. May I learn to trust my God, may I seek to be a joy to Him. You see, life will continue to be unpredictable, continue to be hard. It will have it's ebbs and flows, but God never changes. He is constant. Nothing is too big for God!

2009-12-30T16:37:00.006-06:00

On Ashes . . .

"Nearly every time I have told it and tried to explain what I think God wanted to teach me in it of absolute commitment and trust, someone has asked, "but why did God let it happen?" Someday they and I will be satisfied with His answer. On thing I am perfectly sure of: God's story never ends with "ashes."

~ Elizabeth Elliot, These Strange Ashes

2009-11-18T08:56:00.002-06:00

Chapter Six Is Complete!

And . . . as I sit, typing away on chapter seven! Hoping to have it finished today as well. Ah, the joys of writing.

2009-11-12T11:34:00.000-06:00

On Stepping Out

"It's not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena . . . who, at best, knows in the end the triumph of great achievement, and who, at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly. So that his place will never be with those cold timid souls who know neither victory or defeat."

~ Theodore Roosevelt

2009-11-12T10:32:00.000-06:00

Is it Painful?

As Chip Ingram states, "don't ask why, ask what." Check this link out and listen - it's great stuff! Once at the site, click on "How to Rebuild Your Broken World, Ask Why Ask What, part 2." It's a wonderful reminder of who really is in control, nomatter what we may be facing.

http://www.livingontheedge.org/home/broadcasts/online_daily.php

2009-11-10T15:38:00.005-06:00

Privileged to Believe

Knowing Christ is an awesome privilege. It’s not uncommon to talk about faith, to talk about believing, even to say that we believe, but sadly, many of us don’t live out our lives as though we truly do believe on Jesus Christ. I can’t help but think that if more of us lived out our faith with acknowledgement that we have the very same power that raised Christ from the grave living in us, then it would be impossible not to see the transformation that awareness brings. Belief is much, much more than a mere mental agreement. Belief and faith, when in conjunction with Christ, goes much deeper. To believe is to be trusting, convicted, and relying – all very much action verbs. As Kay Arthur puts it, “genuine faith implies some sort of action or change as a result of your belief." This leads me to ask myself – have I allowed Christ to change me? I so want to step out of the arena of doubt into Christ’s robe, where my weakness is exchanged for his strength. He provided the way for me to do just that – through his sacrificial lamb, his son, who died and rose again to bridge the gap into eternity. All that’s required – that I die to myself. Perhaps living out belief is so very hard because our flesh is so very greedy. It gets in the way and pulls us farther away from the one who loves us more than anything. Sin clouds our vision, but it doesn’t remove Christ. He’s still there for us, if we take the steps in obedience to fall into his arms without reserve. It’s not impossible, as long we are living in his power, in his strength, instead of our own. R.A. Torrey said this of belief, “That is one of the many good things about believing on Jesus Christ, it puts us on praying ground, it puts us in the place where we may go to God in every time of need and get from Him the very thing that we need and ask for. I would rather be on praying ground, rather be in such a relation to God that He can and will answer my prayers, than to have the combined wealth of a hundred Rockefellers. Times will come in the life of every one of us sooner or later when no earthly friend can help us, and no amount of wealth can help us; but the time will never come when God cannot help us and deliver us completely.”

After all, belief is an awesome, awesome privilege. But we cannot come to God on our own terms; we must come to God on his. And what might God’s terms be? Mark 8:34-38 states, “Then he called the crowd to him along with his disciples and said: “If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me and for the gospel will save it. What good is it for a man to gain the whole world, yet forfeit his soul? Or, what can a man give in exchange for his soul? If anyone is ashamed of me and my words in this adulterous and sinful generation, the Son of Man will be ashamed of him when he comes in his Father’s glory with the holy angels.”

In our belief, in our faith, can we truly say we have chosen to make following Christ our life-long habit, or, have we merely said to God, “alright, but . . .?” We all probably have something that could be filled in the blank. As Torrey stated, it’s not “Do I believe ABOUT him, but do I believe ON him?” So, do we?

2009-11-09T17:30:00.003-06:00

Chapter Five Complete!

It feels so good to be writing! And yet, the process is hard. Writing is hard. Perhaps the most difficult thing to handle is the questions. "So, do you have connections?" or "That's great, have you had anything published yet?" To these questions and even the looks that carry the unvoiced questions, I have learned to say, "All writers have to start somewhere. You can't be a writer unless you write." That's where I am, I'm writing. I'm writing and I'm taking it on faith that God has a plan for this journey, even if I don't have the full road map in hand. A roadmap would be nice, but then, if I had it, I wouldn't be learning all the lessons I am now without it. As I think about what would be most regrettable in this journey, not having tried stands out as the one that keeps me prodding forward. I must be obedient to the call, I’m not asked to figure it all out yet. Hebrews 11: 1 states, “Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see." I’m not alone. The bible is chalk-full of men who knew God and were called to step out in obedience, yet at the same time, were unsure of exactly where they were stepping. They went out “by faith.” Hebrews 11:7-8 states, “By faith Noah, when warned about things not yet seen, in holy fear built an ark to save his family. By his faith he condemned the world and became heir of the righteousness that comes by faith. By faith Abraham, when called to go to a place he would later receive as his inheritance, obeyed and went, even though he did not know where he was going.”

So, I’m rolling along by faith. By faith we listen, by faith we obey, in faith we go. It’s an exhilaratingly painful journey at times, but yet, it’s a journey that draws us closer to the heart of God. That alone is a direction I want to be going, and in so doing, I have discovered a greater joy than what I thought were possible. Success is not defined, in this sense, by publication or men’s praise, but rather, by my heavenly father who cheers as I try – living out my faith through obedience.

2009-11-06T12:47:00.003-06:00

Beautiful, Absolutely Beautiful!

It’s hard to believe it’s November, and even more, I can hardly believe it’s nearly seventy degrees outside and my windows are still open! Falls in Kansas are rare. Usually we only enjoy about a month or two of the cool breezed sunshine until old man Winter rears his ugly head and blazes through the doors, freezing everything in his path, including me! In fact, I still have a hydrangea bloom outside. I love it! Here’s a link to a wonderful thought for the day. Hope you enjoy!

http://www.hutchcraft.com/a-word-with-you/your-most-important-relationship/beauty-from-brokenness-5948

2009-11-04T16:23:00.002-06:00

Nuts, Bolts, and Powerlessness

I'm writing! Finally - after years of contemplating, praying, and procrastination, I'm breaking away from my comfort zone and putting pen to the paper. It's the most exhilarating ride I can think to be on right now, as God has been seemingly overflowing my thoughts with ideas, words, and stories. Currently I am writing my way through my first novel and have four chapters down. Amazingly, not only have I begun work on this piece of christian fiction, but have outlined a second story, which I plan to run with when my current project is completed. Both stories have been fully outlined already - the second in great detail in a matter of about forty-five minutes. Only God can do that. Honestly though, I have no idea if God will pave the way through the publishing world for me or not. The path is strewn with the unknown. The only thing I do know is that I need to finish the task at hand, writing. What God chooses to do with it beyound that is in His hands, and His hands alone. I only pray that I am faithful in persevering and faithful to write only the words that would serve to encourage, build up, and remind people of the BIG God we have, even when at times we all face what seems like insurmountable odds and circumstances. He has encouraged me deeply. He's called me to encourage. For now, I am confident that God has called me to write and equipped me with the ability to do so by handing me His stories, as well as some guidance on where to go once they are complete. Even in writing, I am fully aware that I am powerless without Him, completely unable to pen anything down without first having His wisdom, guidance, and direction. Without Him the words are meaningless, I am powerless to change any of that on my own. No amount of talent, drive, passion, or even connections could open the doors - only God can. Years ago He gave me the dream. Presently, He has now inspired me with His stories and released me to run with them. After all, you can't be a writer unless you write, right? I am aiming for at least 2000 words a day, we'll see! When I am weak - then He is strong! It's a learning process. I am absolutely sure I'll bounce against the curves, roadblocks, and inevitably, my own mistakes along the way. Who of us hasn't?

Today however, has been a day full of the nitty-gritty. Editing, research, blog updates, etc. I'm praying for wisdom and perseverance, as this is just the beginning of a long process, quite foreign to me. I invite you all to share this journey with me by praying for me along the way. Thanks for "landing" here and I'll keep writing!

2009-05-05T15:47:00.004-05:00

"As for me and my house, We will Serve the Lord"

"Her priests do violence to my law and profane my holy things; they do not distinguish between the holy and the common; they teach that there is no difference between the unclean and the clean; and they shut their eyes to the keeping of my Sabbaths, so that I am profaned among them." ~Ezekiel 22:29

My dear friends, I am so encouraged today, despite all that is swimming around in my head - encouraged because I have been deeply challenged by God's word, by His people, by His presence in my life that will not relent from seeing me refined and changed more into His image. Do I, Kristy, really, truly serve the Lord? Even more, what is service to God to look like in day to day living? Can I truly say that as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord? Today I finished a 6-week precept study on Ezekiel, specifically God's call and challenge to Ezekiel to judge his bloody nation, the house of Israel. Israel at this time had grown corrupt and perverse - knee deep in all sorts of sins that are not uncommon to us, to our nation, or to our own lives, today. Among the many sins, there was a lack of respect for father and mother, oppression, idol worship, adultery, murder, slander, bribes, acts of lewdness, incest, dishonest gains, and the list goes on and on. In comparison, the book of Ezekiel could have been talking about America today, although it was aimed specifically at the Nation of Israel. The book of Ezekiel is an uncomfortable book for most to look at and equate not only to our nation, but to our individual lives and churches today. It is a book that calls us to examine all that is sin against God, to repent of it and turn to God, to hate the things God hates, and in a greater sense, to see God not just as a God of love and mercy, which He is, but also as a God of wrath, which He also must be. Through this six-week study I became keenly aware of our need to see God in the totality of His being, in His sovereignty, and to stop boxing Him in a package that we find more to our personal likings or in a way that seeks to justify our actions. Do I take God at His word - not just parts of it, but all of it? Does God really have standards that are black and white and not open for discussion? What once was wrong and unacceptable to one society is it right in our society today? We know God doesn't change, but does our culture change how we should view certain standards for living? God's word beautifully answers all of this better than I ever could; "Woe to those who call evil good and good evil, who put darkness for light and light for darkness, who put bitter for sweet and sweet for bitter." ~ Isaiah 5:5.
According to God's standards, to His word, evil and good does not change. Sin will always still be sin, even if we choose to disassociate ourselves from it by calling it something less harsh, something that sounds altogether different, like calling a lie (which Satan is the father of) a mere stretching of the truth. Or, as Elizabeth Elliot states; "sin seems to mean little more than a personal problem of adjustment. This makes it almost impossible for people even to hear what God says."
God seeks an undivided heart, a heart that is sold-out to Him, a heart that fully believes Him, a heart committed to doing His will, even if it's hard, unpopular, or requires tremendous sacrifice. After all, He paid the ultimate penalty - all He requires of us is our belief in Him and our obedience. Yet we doubt as individuals, we doubt as a church, we doubt as a nation, and we rationalize ourselves away from real truth that is set before us in His precepts by our own clouded thinking and judgements. We simply disregard who He says He is, what He says He will do, what He says He hates. God loves the sinner, but He hates the sin. Divorce, adultery, pornography, lies, murder, hate, gossip, false prophesy, abortion, dishonest gain, gluttony, it's all the same to Him. God doesn't rate our sin on a scale of 1-10, with ten being worse than one, sin is simply that - sin. My sin as a liar ranks right up there with the man who killed ten people in cold blood - or, if I have lust in my heart for another other than my husband, it's as if I committed adultery in my heart against Him. Sin, according to Ezekiel, pollutes the land. Sin hurts people, but more, it pains the heart of God. Let it not be said of us that God could not find in us a person who would stand up for his principles and fill the gap - to be ones that are willing to say the hard things and to pray and intercede so that we would repent, and we would turn to God. Not a half-turn, but a full 360 degrees in the direction of the Lord. I also pray for a renewed love and passion for God's word. How can we possibly know what sin, according to God is, unless we are in His word for ourselves. A growing number of believers only know God by word of mouth - from regurgitated lessons and studies, than what they have experienced of Him for themselves through actual personal study of God's word. I know, because I've been there. Pray with me that we would be ones who can truly say, as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord. Let us be ones that choose to be salt and light in a society that has become increasingly more full of the black and greys.

2009-02-25T09:15:00.011-06:00

A Waiting Hope

"God has given us both his promise and his oath. These two things are unchangeable because it is impossible for God to lie. Therefore, we who have fled to him for refuge can take new courage, for we can hold on to his promise with confidence. This confidence is like a strong and trustworthy anchor for our souls. It leads us through the curtain of heaven into God's inner sanctuary."

~ Hebrews 6: 18-19

(The picture at right was taken during my days with Mercy Ships. We got to see a sunrise on top of one of Tikal's Mayan Ruins in Guatemala. Life with God is always an adventure.)

Some of the fondest memories I have of my time spent on board the Caribbean Mercy were the nights I would meander up onto our boat deck during our 2-3 day long sails out at sea. I would stand on the edge gazing straight up at a star-filled sky while salt mists would spray my face. It fascinated me that the ship cut so effortlessly through the ocean's waves and currents. The ocean's water was never as brilliant as it was during those sails at night, when the darkness of the water would sparkle with the iridescent creatures that made their home there, visible only in the night when the ship's bow would slice the waters apart and churn the water so perfectly that one could glimpse a bit of the life occupying it's vastness. During those moments I was keenly aware of just how small I was, just how powerful God is, and in awe as my heavenly father would embrace me in the simplicity of what He created. Somehow in those moments my heart didn't feel so broken, and I didn't feel so lost.

That was nearly 8 years ago now, so hard to believe. God has had me on a journey ever since, really, long before that even, and the road from broken to whole has been one of patience and waiting. There are times that hope seemed a far stretch from reality. Anyone who has ever experienced the pain of a broken heart and brokenness in general knows why God calls us to guard it - it really is true that our heart is the well spring of life. When it breaks, it's almost as if you shatter in pieces from the inside out. It's an emotional pain so intense that it's felt physically, in every sense imaginable or unimagined. But, it is also true that God draws near to the broken-hearted. In those moments, hours, days, years after the initial break I felt God's presence in ways I could never have dreamed of. There was never a moment that I walked that road alone - God showed Himself in some of the most amazing and awesome ways. He truly was an anchor for my soul, and He remains so today.

To be honest, I'm not sure what God is up to these days. I know He is moving, yet, I'm one that likes to see everything line up in a just so ideal and perfect way. I want to see things happen, not piece by piece or step by step, but, all at once. In other words, I want the whole package. As my husband would say, I want it spelled out in the sky so there is no question I'll miss it. I'm bad, horribly bad, at waiting. It's not our human nature to wait, and patience is one thing that God continually has me practicing. The opportunities He has been presenting to me lately are at times overwhelming and beyond what I feel I can emotionally handle. God is calling me to tap into all those past moments when everything around me seemed to crumble - all those years that seemed spent in ashes He now wants me to pick up and allow Him to restore and use for His glory. God is asking me to share, open and honestly, with those that are hurting and needing hope in their lives. I have prayed for these opportunities for years, prayed that God would use me to encourage those that are in desperate need of Him, yet, now that it seems God is beginning to move, I stand at the threshold of His plans trembling. There are days that the vulnerability such openness requires has me taxed and stretched far beyond what is comfortable or safe emotionally. He is calling me to comfort those as He has comforted me. God's call is both exhilarating yet frightening all at once. In some sense, I feel like an Abraham not quite sure where I am going yet called to go, and in another, much like Moses - feeling as if I'm completely inadequate and ill-equipped for the task at hand. This, however, couldn't be further from the truth. God's word clearly states that He enables, He equips, He calls, He strengthens, He protects. He simply IS. God has been my refuge and as the scripture states above, I can take new courage today and hold onto His promise with confidence. Not self confidence - but confidence in Christ. He is faithful. He always has been, He always will be. My only prayer is that I would remain one who has the faith to believe that God will open the right doors in His timing, and that I would recognize Him when He shows up, and even more importantly, that I would have the strength to obey. He is the anchor of my soul. To me, today, this resonates so deeply within me that I know when I feel that tremble of fear set in or that shadow of doubt attempt to sift me like sand in water, I can know that I have feet planted in a foundation that is unshakable, Christ. As I wait, today, and tomorrow, and for all the days ahead, I can rest in the assurance that God is my cornerstone, He is my anchor, my ever-present help in time of need. God is the hope that I have. May He keep me humble, my heart tender, and my eyes open to allow Him to use me in whatever capacity He desires, that He may receive all the Glory and Praise for a life restored and used by Him.

2009-01-16T14:06:00.003-06:00

WHEW!!

Ok - so you may (or may not) be asking why the lag in posting? Well, December was simply a whirlwind of change and transition, of which I am still attempting to settle into. It began late in November when after much thought and prayer, I gave my notice at work. I had been with the company for nearly 4 1/2 years and it had proved to be steady, comfortable, secure. However, many aspects of my job had nothing to do with who God made me or what He was calling me towards. As a result, it was not long before burn-out set in. More and more I felt I was running in the opposite direction of where I felt God pulling me to be and the longer I held out, the more miserable I felt. It was a relief to finally give my notice, and even more a relief to know I had the full support and blessing of those that I worked with. God was so good!

Then came the winds of change like a roaring, uncontrollable gust that can be both exhilerating and frightening all at once. Early in Decemeber Michael and I became owners of our very first home! Everything we had prayed for and more came rolling to us in a humbling and quick set of transactions which floored us beyound what I can articulate right now. All I can say is that the price the Lord gave the house to us for was nearly 19,000 below the appraised price and well below what the asking price had been. Just when we thought a roadbump was emminent, the doors swung wide. Mortgage rates fell, we were able to lay nearly a 1/3 of the price down making us exempt from mortgage insurance, and the inspection went more smoothly than we could have expected for a home that was over 50 years old. Our home's condition is fantastic - save some cosemetic help which we gave it in the two weeks prior to our move-in date. Work was long, hard, and at times frustrating but so worth it! On Dec. 30th we moved in and are becoming more and more settled each day. Last Friday was my official last day at my job and I was ushered out completely humble by the caliber of people that I got to work with, who are now very good friends.

So - what's next? I ask myself this almost daily. My heart's desire would be that within this next year Michael and I could begin our own family. I have played around with the idea of part-time work until that time, but am also praying that I would fill my time with the things that most glorify God - whether that be volunteer opportunities at the church, other ministry options, or, writing. I thank God for this period, albeit very unfamiliar to me and way beyound my comfort zone. I am simply trying to trust Him for His best - not what I think is best. There is more to life than the security a steady pay check brings or the satisfaction of job success - there is something more eternal that God has set my heart on and it may take this time of quiet and solitude for God to get a hold of me in a way that I can clearly hear his voice and obey. Sometimes I think that's the very reason it's so much easier to fill our lives with noise, clutter, and ceaseless activity. Being quiet and waiting can be hard, and then - hearing his voice can at times be painful as He continues to carry out the process of refining us more into His image. In all reality, I'm a rusty vessle that needs chipped away at and pruning in order to be used by Him in the way He intends. I'm excited for the process, but whew - am I ever glad that His word promises us that through our weaknesses He is made strong. May God get all the glory through this time of transition, change, growth, and uncertainty. He alone is the alpha and Omega, the beginning and the end. And, my friends, He's not done yet!

2008-10-25T21:01:00.011-05:00

How Tolerant is Tolerance, Really?

An interesting quote that I found on a friends blog I thought I would post here. Chew on it a while. Deeply profound, deeply true - if we admit it. For non-Christians who claim acceptance of all religions, are you really as tolerant as you claim to be?

"It is increasingly obvious that people are prepared to tolerate Christianity up until the point that it begins to define its terms."
~ C.J. Mahaney, in his sermon "Cross-Centered Worship"

2008-09-09T14:47:00.016-05:00

The Road Less Traveled

Fall is right around the corner, I can smell it. Just a shy two weeks away from today the calendar pages will officially turn a new shade of a new season. As most who know me realize, this is my favorite time of year. There is something about the cooler weather after overwhelming days of heat that puts a new bounce in my step. Perhaps I love Fall because it represents for many a time of change, slowing down, and reflection. Granted, life really does not ever seem to slow down, but this time of year definitely makes me wish that it did! This Fall in particular signals for me the approach of many new things ahead. Lord willing, come the beginning of this New Year, I will be stepping away from full-time work to pursue increasing our family as well as investing in it. For some time now I have known that God has not given me the conviction for a career – quite the opposite in fact, I believe He is calling me forward to set it aside for this period in my life to invest in a future generation and into a family life that I myself went much of my early and adolescent years without.

Sounds easy! Not so much. In fact, I am quickly discovering that very few people will probably even understand this, let alone accept it. To the employer, it just doesn’t make logical or financial sense to ask for a reduction in hours or resign from a job altogether just to stay at home to have a family or be a better support system for your husband. If there was another job to go to, a move, or even a serious health issue, those are all much more widely accepted than the latter that is viewed as lazy, a lack of ambition, or simply just an excuse. Come December or January, it will not be easy to sit down face-to-face and do just this. As if that were not difficult enough, employers are not the only ones with their opinions. Sometimes the well intentioned advice or opinion of those closest to us can hurt the most. Many who are educated themselves or have gone on to have graduated from college see it as a huge loss of potential. I have been told that I am selling myself short or that I don’t have any follow-through, that I can’t finish things and that in a sense, I’m choosing to fail. I can’t tell you how many tears have flown freely just in the past week over these very beliefs that have been thrown at me. What in the world is so wrong with a woman wanting to make her top priority and vocation her family??? Long ago, back before the women’s lib movement, it used to be the norm. Now, it’s just the unaccepted and I find that unacceptable. God never promised us that when we choose to obey Him, the road would be paved for us or without obstacles. For me, these are just a few of the obstacles that a decision like this holds. I stand firm that the Lord is beckoning me down this road. If we stop long enough to look around us, families and marriages are falling and being torn apart because everyday people choose to chase after themselves rather than chase after a God who has run after them so hard that He crossed the pain of the cross to get to us. God’s ways are not the world’s ways. His ways don’t seek to make us look better or make us more accepted, more educated, or more successful. He doesn’t call us to something so that we can boast about our own abilities or our own accomplishments and seek recognition for them. He calls us out so that others can see Him. Actually, I’m beginning to discover that the more we choose to follow Him, the more we will stand out of the crowd like a sore thumb, which can be miserably uncomfortable.

With all this said – there is great joy and peace in going God’s way. Despite all the criticism and all the doubt of many around me, my heart is at peace. I rest knowing that I have a God that is bigger than it all and a God who is very much in control. In a sense, I’m going to be taking the road less traveled by, as Robert Frost once wrote, and I do believe that will make all the difference in the world because I believe that following the Lord makes all the difference, period.

(A slight disclaimer: We are not expecting yet, just beginning to take steps away from the workforce in anticipation for that period. However, don't worry, when we are there will be a big announcement with a lot of excitement!!)

2008-08-29T09:12:00.017-05:00

To Get You Thinking . . .

A person will worship something, have no doubt about that. We may think our tribute is paid in secret in the dark recesses of our hearts, but it will out. That which dominates our imaginations and our thoughts will determine our lives, and our character. Therefore, it behooves us to be careful what we worship, for what we are worshipping we are becoming.

~Ralph Waldo Emerson

2008-08-19T15:31:00.007-05:00

Four Years and Counting!

It's odd to me the things we remember and the point of juncture we remember them. This past week I celebrated my fourth anniversary of marriage to my husband, whom, I can honestly say I love more today than I did when I married him four years ago. Realistically I don’t believe I had any idea of the gift I was receiving four years ago and therefore did not really know how to value it. And, I might add, I’m still a work in progress in that arena!

Four years seems like a milestone to me as I look back and reflect on all the Lord has done and brought my husband and I through, some of which has been pretty difficult. As I reflect on all of this, I am also reminded of the chance meeting I had with a sweet lady named Sarah Hemingway years before I even met my husband – and yes, she was a distant relative of Ernest Hemingway which thrilled the English-loving, literature-crazy side of me! When I remember Sarah, I remember a warm-hearted, free-spirited lady who had just lost her husband but yet who graciously opened her home up to me, a perfect stranger. If memory serves me correctly, his loss had been unexpected because the home she was living in had been newly built with the anticipation that they would retire in it and entertain together. As if it were yesterday, I can still picture our afternoon of strawberry picking together and strolling through the open markets in South Carolina. I was young, naive, and hopelessly in love. I was also eagerly engaged to a man that today is not my husband. Sarah and I talked for hours about everything under the sun, including marriage, her husband, and what it meant to be a wife who loved the Lord. I also learned from her invaluable insight into loving a man and cherishing him. Of course at that time I soaked it up with the excitement of one who was about to embark on the journey herself and needless to say, I didn't really take it all in as I should have.

Remembering my time with Sarah has many ironies to me today - especially because at that time I simply could not imagine anything going wrong in my relationship or life being any different than it was then – seemingly perfect. Little did I know that later that month I would receive the news from my fiance’ that he no longer loved me or desired marriage. Our engagement crashed so hard and unexpectedly that a floodgate of grief overcame me and it was paralyzing. It was the death of so many things. To this day, I still don’t talk about what happened much or what it was like going through it because it was too painful, too humiliating, too beyond anything I ever anticipated. Simply stated, it remains a circumstance that I have had to give over to the Lord even in my failure to comprehend why it all happened. All I know is that God had a better plan and I’m living it today. What I take from Sarah and all that she shared with me then was that love is so much more than a feeling – it’s something that never fails. Love to the core is absolutely selfless. My circumstance shortly after my time with Sarah was one of humbling and refinement. Through it I learned to love the Lord with a passion and ferocity that today has allowed me to love my husband in a way I could never have dreamed of then and mind you - I did a lot of dreaming! I’m so very thankful for her, even if at the time I did not really hear everything she was trying to tell me or value her words as I do now. Today I understand them so much better as they play out in my own marriage. It’s a daily process that I hope I am learning to not take for granted!

To Get You Thinking

2008-07-03T11:21:00.004-05:00

This was such a good thought, and true.

“We are living in a time when sensitivities are at the surface, often vented with cutting words. Philosophically, you can believe anything, so long as you do not claim it to be true. Morally you can practice anything, so long as you do not claim that it is a 'better' way. Religiously, you can hold to anything, so long as you do not bring Jesus Christ into it.”(1)

~Ravi Zacharias, "Jesus Among Other Gods."

Great Question to Ponder

2008-05-13T13:25:00.003-05:00

I read this today on Abraham Piper's website, "22 Words."
It's worth spending some time chewing over. If you click on the underlined title of the post, it should take you directly to his site and some more great thought provoking reads!

Can you both doubt something and expect that it’s true at the same time?

When doubting, I’m sometimes nervous to ask God to explain what I wonder.
I’m afraid he actually will.
So is that doubt?

Impatience par Excellence

2008-04-22T16:32:00.005-05:00

Today I just itch for change. Oh I want it so bad! Needless to say, today is not one of those days I feel myself handling this waiting period very well. If I could, I would reach out and grab whatever it is that we’ve been looking for and move on. Not just move on, mind you. I would high-tail it, run as fast as I can, get out of town kind of move on. These days my dialogue with God goes something much like this;

Me: God, I’m super ready to move on

God: You think so?

Me: Oh yea, I know so!

God: It’s not time yet

Me: Time?? What time?? I’ve been waiting for two years now God!

God: This makes no difference, I know what’s best.

Me: But God, I’m so ready!

God: No, you’re not. just not yet.

Me: Please, I’ll do anything!

God: Wait.

And there you have it. Fact of the matter is, I am prepared to do anything at this point but wait. Waiting is so wearisome, so frustrating, so…..mundane. If I could do anything else but wait, oh how I wish I could. You see, gut-level honesty here – my impatience is par excellence. Patience – uhm, not so good. You would think that somewhere along the road I would have learned this vital lesson, would have acquired it at some point along the journey. I’m discovering that patience isn’t just something you pick-up once and never have to battle again. Patience is so laced together with the journey its self that I don’t think the two can really be separated. They are extensions of each other. Patience is just part of the journey. It's an absolute intrinsic value that is non-negotiably needed along every step of the way. Patience to me is simply hope in it's active form. I was reminded of this little prayer today, it’s my heart cry for the here and now.

The Serenity Prayer

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change;

courage to change the things I can;

and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;

Enjoying one moment at a time;

Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;

Taking, as He did, this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it;

Trusting that He will make all things right if I surrender to His Will;

That I may be reasonably happy in this life and supremely happy

with Him Forever in the next.

Amen.

~Reinhold Niebuhr

IF I surrender to His will. IF. Oh Lord, give me the strength to wait, give me the patience!

Good Thoughts from Max Lucado

2008-04-17T16:09:00.005-05:00

Stronger in the Broken Places

Resentment. . . a door quietly closes.
Anger... the door slams shut!
Hurts from your heritage.. . fasten the latch!
Weakened faith . . . throw the bolt!

Four elements that can lock up a heart, keeping delight out and darkness in. Resentment, the cocaine of the emotions. Anger, the destroyer of joy. Your heritage- the straitjacket of expectation. Declining faith- the marauder of hope. And four keys to unlocking the heart… to replacing resentment with forgiveness, anger with understanding… to repairing the past with the possible… to rediscovering faith.

UpWords, Inc. http://www.maxlucado.com/ p.2

Reprieved to Dance

2008-04-14T09:58:00.003-05:00

Grace. The Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines Grace this way: “Unmerited divine assistance given humans for their regeneration or sanctification; a privilege, a reprieve.”
Grace is also synonymous with Mercy.

When I first came to Christ, in all honesty, I was probably more confused by grace than I was floored by it. Knowing who I was, it was simply too hard for me to wrap my mind around the fact that someone cared and loved me enough to give up His only son through death, so that I might be able to partake in a personal relationship with Him of my own. After all, at that time in my life nobody seemed to want me, let alone want me enough they would die for me. His son was blameless, I am not. Everything Jesus Christ went through on the cross at Calvary He just did not deserve. Knowing that, the concept of God’s extravagant grace for me was simply too deep and profound for me to understand, but I accepted it with open arms knowing full well I needed Him more than I have ever needed anyone in my whole life. Developing a relationship with God has forever changed my existence.

I have known God as my personal savior for nearly fifteen years. During that time, I have grown to discover that we all need saving. You simply can't tell me that we don't need saving. When I look at people and how they hurt each other as well as themselves, we need saved. When I see minds being destroyed by anger, bitterness, and dark depression we need saved. When I see people lost, hopeless and simply defeated, I see faces in need of saving. In all of those fifteen years, this past weekend was the first weekend that I felt floored by grace. Floored by the immensity of all God pulled me out of and all that I couldn't escape from without His divine intervention. Floored that I even have things together enough to stand on my own two feet. Floored that I have a heart tender enough to love and to forgive. Floored that I even know how to love. Floored that my mind is full of hope and reprieved from the darkness and depression that I was born into and lifted out of. I am absolutely aghast, bewildered even, awed. I am free! In the keen awareness of who I am and who I am not, came an even greater sense of purpose and responsibility.

You see, God is a magnificent creator and an artist in the extreme. Each one of us was purposely knit together before we even knew what it was like to breathe, to walk, and to dream. God dreamed for us. Taking our whole lives into account before they even started, God planned, purposed and called us forward into unique positions of influence. Through grace I am saved and called. He loved me; He reprieved me from so much and has called me forward to comfort those, as I have been comforted. God has comforted me so much and healed so much as well. Yes, I really have been reprieved. I have been stunned into humility by the propensity of all He has pulled me out from and done for me. My heart has been more than saved - it has been captured. Not just for a lifetime, but for an eternity. God doesn't just work in moments, but He works those moments into a beautiful web of purpose and design we were made to dance in. Personally, I think God must smile so wide when we dance, especially when it seems circumstancially and humanly impossibe to do so. Why? Because He's the one leading the dance.

A Pocket-Full of Sunshine

2008-04-10T16:30:00.002-05:00

Today I have a pocket-full of sunshine sitting on my desk despite the clouds and rain looming outside. Four little reasons actually that sit here at work brightening my day. I have my husband to thank for them actually. Gerber Daisies have always been my favorite flower. For those of you who have seen "You've got mail," I tend to agree with Meg Ryan that, "They are such a happy flower." Even on days that it's hard to find something to smile about, these always tip my grin right-side up. Today their bright yellow reminds me of how much I love and miss the sun. When I was younger I naively thought I could live in Seattle but now realize the weather would probably get to me after a while. There is not much that can compare to the feel of warm sun radiating on me after a particularly long bought of winter, cold weather, or rain. There are days I could stay out in weather like that forever. Something else I miss tremendously after long stints of time without it is God's Word. I don't know how I manage to get by for so long without it, and really if I think about it, I really don't. Just like I begin to long for sunny warm days after a period without them, I begin to hunger and need the Lord's fresh insight in my life. He alone is able to get me through the dreary days and give me the strength I need for the tasks and circumstances ahead. May I learn to long and cling for him to a greater degree than I know today.

Are You Convinced?

2008-03-31T15:39:00.003-05:00

"For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord," Romans 8:28-29.

Can you feel it? Can you feel the sheer conviction, power, passion behind these written words? They are a staunchly determined statement of faith, a gut-level determined stance. In the wake of events present and in the light of future unknowns, the writer declares his absolute and resolute conclusion that nothing, yes NOTHING, can separate him from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

I have to ask the question of myself if I too am this convinced? I've read over this passage about a dozen times, but often, I've read it as if just passing by. Somehow the verses so familiar were a stranger to my understanding. I didn't linger long enough to ponder what such a statement really meant. My mind resonated with it's truth, but I didn't allow my heart the time to envision and feel it's meaning. This time however, I've camped here for a while. I can almost see the iron-willed face of the writer, almost as if he were saying, "nothing will change my conviction, nothing." Come what may, this was a convinced man.

Expounding even more on the same verses in modern-day language, The Message translates Romans 8:28-29 this way;

"So, what do you think? With God on our side like this, how can we lose? If God didn't hesitate to put everything on the line for us, embracing our condition and exposing himself to the worst by sending his own Son, is there anything else he wouldn't gladly and freely do for us? And who would dare tangle with God by messing with one of God's chosen? Who would dare even to point a finger? The One who died for us—who was raised to life for us!—is in the presence of God at this very moment sticking up for us. Do you think anyone is going to be able to drive a wedge between us and Christ's love for us? There is no way! Not trouble, not hard times, not hatred, not hunger, not homelessness, not bullying threats, not backstabbing, not even the worst sins listed in Scripture: They kill us in cold blood because they hate you. We're sitting ducks; they pick us off one by one. None of this fazes us because Jesus loves us. I'm absolutely convinced that nothing—nothing living or dead, angelic or demonic, today or tomorrow, high or low, thinkable or unthinkable—absolutely nothing can get between us and God's love because of the way that Jesus our Master has embraced us.

"Nothing living or dead, angelic or demonic, today or tomorrow, high or low, thinkable or unthinkable, nothing, nothing gets between us and our Lord because of the embrace of Christ. Wow. Today has been one of those days. My body is tired physically, and my heart is tired emotionally, but not even the honest assessment of my own weak state wedges Christ away from me. Quite the contrary. When I am weak, then He is strong. So very strong, yet so very gentle that His touche is one of the most profound I have ever experienced. His embrace is all-encompassing and transcends my own knowledge of circumstance, time, yes, even my own self. Today I bow down, absolutely convinced I am forever embraced by my God, your God.

The King

2008-03-24T15:42:00.001-05:00

Today I am comforted that I rest in the embrace of God. This is not just today’s reality, but I am ever mindful that each new day is graced by His presence. This is the simplicity of my relationship with God. Relationships, in general, are complicated and have been an equal measure of both heartache and joy in my life. I share this today with fresh heartache and raw feelings, so I shall tread lightly with discretionary words as I simply attempt to process. God has made me a person who loves deeply; it’s just a natural response for me, although these days it seems a bit more complicated by life, people, and my own inability to trust. I heard it once said that to the measure we love someone is also the measure we allow ourselves to be hurt. Those who love deeply also hurt deeply. Christ surely did and still does. I know we have all been in that boat.

One truth I have found however, no matter how disappointed in people I find myself to be, is that God has remained the one true constant in which I can depend. He is, in essence, my unconditional reality for love, peace, and grace. He’s my dad. For someone who grew up without family, or rather, grew up with many families, it is a comfort beyond imagination to know you have an irrevocable place in someone’s life. God isn’t fickle. He doesn't love deeply one day and the next decide it’s time to abandon us. He doesn't push us out of the nest and tell us to make it on our own. He doesn't decide we have grown past the point of needing him, nor does he love someone more deeply over another. People do however, and sadly, our view of God becomes tainted by those who walk a different way than they profess. We must trust God to be God, and people to be people. People will inevitably let us down, but it is beyond God’s character to do so. There is nothing that can separate us from the Love of God. I have discovered that it doesn’t matter how many times it happens, or how many different ways it occurs, when you come to the point of realization that a personal relationship has changed or no longer exists, the pain is still the same. Heartbreaking. Even today, living in probably the most stable period I have ever known as a happily married adult, I still ache for the absence of a childhood family. It’s this ache for the familiar to return home to that saddens me. Yet, scripture reminded me today in Psalms 68:8 that, “God sets the lonely in families.”

Focusing then on what I have presently and not on what I have lost or do not have, I realize how very real this truth is. Not only has God placed me in His family but has mirrored that very relationship in a physical, tangible way through my marriage to help me understand just how eternally grafted into a place of belonging I really am. So today in the midst of a lot of questions I don’t have answers to and really, a lot of disappointment with people in general, this I know. I am the daughter of a King, deeply loved, fully accepted, eternally positioned, and graced in love. I have been given by the King to a man who both loves and respects him, and who has done well to protect and safe-keep my heart and to reflect the passionate love of the King to me. I am chosen, not forgotten. Loved, not abandoned. Embraced, not distanced. This is the heavenly reality and my daddy’s embrace today. After all, He’s the King.

And the Wait is On!

2008-02-21T15:05:00.002-06:00

The most I can say is that it’s been quite a waiting period, yet another time of refinement. This is handled at times more gracefully than others. It’s a season where I am aware more than anything of God’s desire for my obedience – even in the mundane. He wants me to dig my heels in and persevere – trusting Him for the things I cannot yet see. Quite honestly, this is probably the most stable period my life has ever known. I used to long for such stability with everything that was in me – and now that I’m walking in it, well, it’s unsettling, simply hard to just accept – if that makes any sense?? I am so used to be unsettled that I have no idea how to handle the even pace of a steady day-to-day life and to well, rest and remain. At every other time in my life it was just easier to move on to the next new thing – either because I did not have a choice, or because God was urging me forward. Now, He wants me to STOP.

Currently, I am going through a wonderful bible study written by Beth Moore on the 15 Psalms of Accent. In one of our lessons we learned of the crippled beggar at the temple gate beautiful in Jerusalem, who would sit day-in and day-out begging for whatever someone might hand him. Who knows how long he had been there. As two of the disciples were walking through the gate on their way to the temple to worship, the beggar requested of them the same thing he requested of anyone else I would imagine. Only this time the disciples told him to look at them first. God had planned for that man to receive healing, to get up and freely walk away by himself, uninhibited and unbroken, but before he could do so, he had to first refocus and change where he was looking. It was almost as if his first request was made without any anticipation at all – perhaps just a shamed side glance, or maybe not even that, perhaps it was simply his eyes looked to the ground in defeat. I found it so interesting that he was specifically told to look at the disciples face to face – and for him, that made all the difference. That’s recapped as much as I can with my main point being I am this man right now! And, if I’m honest, have been for quite some time. In order to be ready to get up and walk, I need a shift in direction from where I have been looking to God Himself, and in the STOP period right now, He’s been revealing that to me and so much more. His ways are always right, His timing always perfect, and heaven knows, I need to get out of His way so that He can accomplish His will in and through me. These thoughts are what press on my constantly, even at work, and I have found it is just too exhausting trying to fight Him. He is in hot pursuit of something, and so even when it’s hard, I’m simply trying to obey Him by stopping and resting in this waiting period so that He can change me.

On the Coattails of Yesterday

2008-02-15T09:51:00.003-06:00

“The (human) conscience builds
its confines, is subject to fatigue, longs for comfort, lulling, soothing. Yet those who are hurt, and He (God) who inhabits eternity, neither slumber nor sleep.”
~ Abraham Heschel

Ready for the Rain

2008-02-14T15:54:00.003-06:00

Life is chalk-full of storms. Some are easier to weather than others, but one thing remains the same – they are inevitable. Every day that I live life, it seems I am forever humbled by it. I say this, knowing full well that I do not begin most days in humility. My natural tendency is to bolster my pride in an attempt to wrestle with God, somehow thinking my limited knowledge is somehow better than His. Creature of habit that I am, I look at life with the obtuse perception of a mole. In other words, in my own weakness, I really don’t see clearly at all. And so, at the end of the day, when I am simply exhausted from the fight, I relent: humbled, and often, admittedly, a bit broken. Ok, sometimes a lot broken.

I’m completely amazed by those who have learned not only to sing in the rain, but also acknowledge its inescapable presence and still dance in spite of it. It’s as if they have arrived at a place in their relationship with the Lord that they can say beforehand, Lord, let it rain. They have learned that come what may, the Lord remains the same. So, with gut determination, they have chosen in advance to follow and obey despite whatever may presently surround them. This is not to say that pain is welcomed with open arms, but neither does it hold an incapacitating grip on their life.

I’ve known the grip of paralyzing fear. Many of my days in this life have already been spent wandering through her rainstorms. Some have been such torrential downpours I thought for sure they would overcome me. Then grace happened. Beautiful, merciful grace – my God’s grace. With the tenderness of a loving father, God poured his presence on my hopeless situation and with a strong arm, capable of moving mountains; He bent down and lifted my crestfallen head with a whisper. With an outstretched palm he took hold of my hand and held within His own my shattered heart. In those moments, God became real and His hold on my life irrevocable. Pain proved there was no turning back. Pain showed God was who he said He was, who He always had been, and who He always will be. In the midst of life’s unforgiving rain, the reality of God’s power and promise of His presence broke through pain’s ability to grip and rob me of deep joy. Psalm 126:5 states, “Those who reap in tears will reap with songs of joy.” That is a promise. It’s a song of hope for those whom are all too familiar with trial, and whose tears have fallen one to many times on the pillow nobody sees. God sees though, and he promises that a day will come when those tears will be traded in for joy – overwhelming and unbridled joy. So, let it rain. I’m not afraid of it any long either. Perfect love casts out all fear, and surely God’s perfect love goes with me in the rain.

For a Greater Glory

2007-10-01T10:22:00.000-05:00

I absolutely love Fall. Most especially the beginning of it when the air is refreshed by a crispness that is all together new and welcomed from the heavy heat of Summer.

Really, if I take time to think about it, I love everything about Fall. The turning colors all reflect the magnificence of God's creation. There is something about the earthy colors of turning leaves that help me slow down and reflect, help me enjoy the simplicities of life that really, if you take time to study, are not really all that simple. That's just how God creates - each a masterpiece in it's own right that can not be duplicated or re-created, no matter how hard one might try.

And we do try, ever so hard, at so many things. In all honesty, most of our daily lives are spent running. We run to the fast-paced drum of work, activity, organizations and family functions. We absorb ourselves in a countless array of good things. After all, it's good to be driven, good to work hard, good to serve, good to learn, good to give. Christ even instructs us to do so. But we also spend a multitude of our days trying to "work" them out so well that at the end of it, sometimes we discover the only thing worked out is ourselves. We become so driven in our personal missions, endeavors, or attempts to make a difference that we forget the art of being still, which also, is a direct instruction from the Lord. We forget that the bigger picture in life is the Maker Himself. What good is a piece of artwork if all it reflects is it's self and has no larger meaning than to stand in it's own right? Isn't the design more grand if in it, the very maker who placed it into existence in the first place is seen in it? Simply put, we are made to glorify God and to know Him and be known by Him. It's ever important to work hard at all He has given us responsibility in, but we forget that we also have a responsibility to the Father Himself to know Him, so that others can come to know Him as well. After all, God asks us to "Be still and no that I am God." He beckons us to come to Him, for "He will give us rest." How can any of us possibly know God if we are never still, and how can we find rest, if we never come to Him?

Put your papers down, put the pens aside, stop the car, and stop yourselves. Be desperate for a God who so desperately longs to know you and fill you up. After all, even Christ "Stopped" for a while. He stopped in the midst of a demanding crowd for one blind and desperate man who couldn't even see Jesus stop for Him, but his life was forever changed by it. Christ stopped in the Garden of Gethsemane to pray and seek God's will and not his own. He stopped in the midst of suffering on a cross to reassure a sinner he would be with him that day in paradise, and he stops for each one of us day in and day out. He stops. He waits. He longs. He's looking for us to be still and know that He is God. Don't miss the bigger picture in the simple things you rush by every day. There is a beautiful design in it all that was meant to draw our attention and hearts closer to the one who created us for His glory in the first place.

2007-09-27T15:45:00.000-05:00

I've been reading an excellent book that has been transforming some of my thoughts in regards to God's will, determining it, and His hand in life's circumstances that are not always the thrill or joyride we would prefer them to be, to say the least.

For many of us, there is a pressing need to try and figure everything out. We seek desperately to know God's will and purpose for our lives. From the moment our feet hit pavement post high school, to determining our life mate, career, etc., we long to be reassured we are in the middle of God's will because somehow by doing so, there is found relief knowing that God has His stamp of approval on us. However, when life throws it's punch balls, we are often left wondering "why," or even more desperately, "Where is God?" Ravi makes a wonderful point that it can sometimes take a lifetime for us to determine God's will. He uses Moses and Abraham as just a few examples of bible-time men of the faith who were called to go, sometimes without clear answers or directives as to where and why. In retrospect, these men came to understand that the path they walked down was God's will, but the road to revelation was not easy.

If God were to give all the details of His plans and purposes for our lives in advance, then taking that initial step of obedience required of us by God may be impossible in our human tendencies and weaknesses. After all, we tend to run from anything that may seem or look to be painful. We want the end results, but we don't always accept the journey. Instead of running hard after "God's Will," perhaps the more important pursuit is of God Himself. Positioning ourselves in such a way before the Father that our deepest desire is to simply know Him and glorify Him in all we do, and to realize that we ourselves can not determine God's will. God's will is something that is revealed to us, the timing and place of which is determined by God alone. Positioning ourselves before God simply allows us to hear and obey.

Come to Me ... And I Will Give You Rest....

2007-09-21T13:45:00.000-05:00

It's hard to believe the summer is nearly gone. I love vacation times when I can truly relax and simply enjoy time with the fam. Too often we allow our lives to become so inundated with activity that we don't take opportunities to just "rest" and be still. Last night I heard an interesting take on Jesus's Feeding of the 5,000 from Pricilla Shirer, a bible study instructor. Before Jesus fed anyone, he first issued the call for the people to "sit-down." In order for God to fill us up and for us to experience His rest, (which by the way he longs to give us), we must first obey by "sitting down."

We get so caught up in our "missions" in life that sometimes we forget to savor the savior. More than sacrifice, Christ deeply desires our obedience. It's interesting to me that one of the things we long so much for in rest we also wrestle ourselves away from it. God commands us to take time out of our lives to "sit down." If we don't, we miss out on some of the miracles of the 5,000. Scripture points out that only those who sat down were fed - so what happend to all those who didn't? I can't help but imagine that they missed out on something pretty special, and that we can probably relate too much to that reality. Remember Mary and Martha, the one too busy to sit down and the one who chose to do so? Even Jesus pointed out that at that time, Mary had chosen the best thing, to sit at the Lord's feet. Sometimes the "best" thing to do is to "sit-down" and spend some much needed time with the King of all Kings, our Father.

2007-08-03T09:36:00.000-05:00

A Photo Taken while in St. Louis, touring the Forest Park area.

They say that Forest Park is larger than Central Park in New York City, but regardless of how many miles we must have trekked while touring it's grounds, it was also incredibly beautiful. This bridge in particular was one of my favorite spots.

We thought we would slow our pace down a bit and travel by train. Traveling the train, we got to see a lot of the back roads of Kansas and Missouri that you would not typically be able to enjoy.

Just a fun shot from the back of the train - they don't make them like they used to!

What's a visit to St. Louis without seeing the Gateway Arch?

I don't know how many different views we tried to capture on camera, but this one was one of my favorites. Pictures don't do justice to how large it actually is in person.

2007-07-16T14:47:00.000-05:00

Time has this crazy way of escaping from me. It's hard to believe it's been over a YEAR since I've last updated anything on this page! Perhaps part of it is my justification to self that it's mainly just my own ramblings. This in mind, I find it hard to believe any would want to frequent this site regulary and so, I usually just save time and effort in updating by keeping many of my thoughts I would normally jaught down to myself. However, I've missed the outlet this site provides in letting me just write. So - I'm back!

Year in brief - so much better than last year! It's been a good year to take time out and spend time mulling things over and reflecting. I've been learning a lot, but I discover, that the more I learn, the more I find I just don't know. Despite the frustration this can yield, it also produces humility and a dependance on Him whose grace is sufficient for all my needs, and who strengthens me when I'm weak ( basically an everyday occurance!) Daily I discover my need for more of God's wisdom in every aspect of my life, whether it be at work, church, or home. I simply can not function apart from His grace and guidance.

At any rate, I hope to post more often and include more picts as well. Michael and I just got back from a great time away in St. Louis and we are approaching our 3rd anniversary already so I hope to get some pictures downloaded and viewable soon. Until then, stay tuned!

2006-09-05T15:25:00.000-05:00

Life has it's "Evenings" - an ever-present evening-out of our rough edges. There are roses, and likewise, trials, that work together simultaneously for God's good, for our good.

It's been a long time since last I updated, and much has happened since then. Mostly, it seems life has been the ultimate testing ground this year, with the death of my mother on April 29th, amongst the most poignant of them all. However, there have been many beautiful moments as well. In this morning's devos, a passage from Charles Spurgeon was read that sums my life best at the moment.

The Lord Tests the Righteous - Psalm 11:5

"All events are under the control of providence; consequently all the trials of our outward life are ultimately traceable to God our Father. Out of the golden gate of God's ordinance the armies of trial march in rank, clad in their iron armor and armed with weapons of war. All providences are doors to testing. Even our mercies, like roses, have their thorns. Men may be drowned in prosperous seas as easily as in rivers of affliction. Our mountains are not too high, and our valleys are not too low for temptations: Trials lurk at every turn. Everywhere, above and below, we are confronted and surrounded with danger. Still no shower falls unpermitted from the threatening cloud; every drop has its order before it arrives on the earth. The trials that come from God are sent to prove and strengthen our graces and immediately illustrate the power of divine grace, to test the genuineness of our virtues and to add to their energy. Our Lord in His infinite wisdom and superabundant love sets such a high value upon His people's faith that He will not protect them from those trials by which faith is strengthened. You would never have possessed the precious faith that now supports you if the trial of your faith had not put you through the fire. You are a tree that never would have rooted as well if the wind had not rocked you to and fro and made you take a firm hold upon the precious truths of God's gracious covenant. Worldy ease is a great enemy to faith; it loosens the joints of holy zeal and snaps the sinews of sacred courage. The balloon never rises until the cords are cut; affliction provides this service for believing souls. While the wheat sleeps comfortably in the husk, it is useless to us; it must be threshed out of its resting place before its value an be known. Thus it is good that the Lord tests the righteous, for it causes them to grow rich toward God."

2006-04-18T18:36:00.000-05:00

"All the best things in life come packaged in a ribbon of risk. You untie the gift, you assume the risk, and equally, the joy. Parenthood is like that. Marriage is like that. Friendship is like that. In order to experience life in the full sense, you expose yourself to a bottomless pit of vulnerability. That is the essence of true love."

~ Kristin Armstong ~

2006-03-22T15:30:00.000-06:00

___________________________________

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought

and the thought has found words."

~ Robert Frost ~

__________________________________

2006-03-22T14:49:00.000-06:00

_____________________________________________

"All I have seen teaches me to trust the creator

for all I have not seen."

~ Ralph Waldo Emerson ~

____________________________________________________________________

2006-03-16T15:52:00.000-06:00

Faith

Doubt sees the obstacles

Faith sees the way

Doubt sees the darkest night

Faith sees the day

Doubt dreads to take a step

Faith soars on high.

Doubt questions 'who believes?'

Faith answers, 'I.'

~ Author Unknown ~

___________________________________________________

Life has it's familiarities, all seemingly found in intervals of time. Time - which is full of moments that make us, define us, transform us or remind us. God is in them all. In the good, the bad, and the ugly. Truly, I love this about Him, that God is so big and above absolutely all that I know and all that I have ever failed to understand. All that I will never know. There are moments when the past, present, and future seem to collide, all in one moment, and your somewhat left to sort through the muddle. I'm kind of in one of those moments now. It's never easy loosing someone, especially someone close. But, how do you lose someone who, if it were a perfect world, is supposed to be close, but who really hasn't been there for a long time? I've been asking myself this question over and over. Only one thing comes to mind - with Grace.

I found out Sunday that my biological mother is loosing her battle with cancer. She has at most six weeks left, and it's been nearly three years since last I've seen her. Partly by her choosing, partly due to circumstance, partly by my own choosing. Worst yet, I doubt that she is a Christian, and even more, doubt my ability to share with her. I guess for me - it all boils down to forgiveness. We all like to think that we are ready and willing to forgive - at least that is the case for me. I tend to like to think that I do forgive, have forgiven, and will forgive. Yet - faced with six weeks, knowing that is exactly what she needs, knowing that is exactly what she is looking for from me, I doubt my ability to do that very thing. Being God with skin on to family members is so much more difficult than it is if the person staring back at you were a complete stranger - it's easier to forgive when it's less personal.

But that is where Faith comes in for me. I doubt all this - because I stare at it all so easily through my own ability. God's word reminds us that in our own ability, we can do nothing, but in Christ we can do all things through Him who strengthens us. I don't physically see God strengthening me. I feel Him doing so. In the past, in all that I've known, God has never been less than faithful to answer when I call. In the present, He will do the same. His word says that if we seek wisdom, He'll give it. I seek it now. I seek His grace, and His strength, to stand in front of my past this weekend and truly forgive it all, to let it go, to have those hands that let go and let God be the God He always has been, is, and always will be.

This circumstance is foreign, but God who is in it is all too familiar, and I'm so very thankful for that.

2006-03-08T15:58:00.000-06:00

Right: A friend (left), and Me (right) in "the Box." Good
times, good times!

It's strange the things you remember. Even more odd are the times and places you seem to remember them in. Currently, I am recalling "The Box," my affectionate title for the little square reception room of the Caribbean Mercy where I once worked. I spent a lot of days in this little box. It was usually a hub of activity as crew members came and went, tasks mounted, and phones rang incessantly. Oh yes, as did the paging system. It was organized chaos.

Organized chaos is not what I remember most about "The Box" however, but rather all the times I spent alone in it - which were many since it was so small and shifts were usually a one-woman, or man, show. I learned a lot there, about myself, about God. Sailing in "the Box," was always a true joy-ride, especially since I was unable to look out the windows to help keep my equilibrium balanced and stomach happy. I remember many sails spent lying flat on my back in that little room, feeling senselessly nauseated, wondering if I would ever get through it, and wondering what on earth God had me doing in such a little place that was so demanding, difficult at times, and yes, able to churn my stomach - literally. I remember one particularly difficult sail - my first as the head receptionist, as the ship lulled outside the U.S. mainland awaiting our arrival the next morning. It would be our first time post- 9/11 that we would be back in the states, and my duties were endless as I prepped to prepare for our dockside inspection by the port authorities. Officially, the "Box" was closed, but I needed the after-hours of the closed office to organize the looming chaos of the next day. I already felt overwhelmed, a bit like a fish out-of-water, in more ways than one. I think I spent more time wrestling with God that evening in the little "Box" than I did actually working, but it was just what I needed. Somehow in that quieted little room God was able to quiet my heart and help me lay down my weakness and rest in His strength.

So, why remember "the Box" today? Well, I'm in a little office, answering phones, and at the same time, battling one of my re-occurring headaches due to a bad neck and feeling pretty nauseous from it. In short - it's not a lot of fun, but this is where God has me for now. I guess in some ways it feels kind of like my old friend "the Box," but because of all the box taught me before, it somehow makes my current struggles less of a fight and more of a reliance on God who I know is fighting for me.

I love that about God.

2006-03-08T13:23:00.000-06:00

"There is something beautiful about a billion stars held steady by a God who knows what He is doing. They hang there, the stars, like notes on a page of music, free-form verse, silent mysteries swirling in the blue like jazz."

– Donald Miller

2006-01-20T15:40:00.000-06:00

There are days when I have a healthy longing for home. Not the kind of home that you might associate to a particular place, a person, or building. It's not the kind of home I've ever seen physically, but on many occasions, I've pictured it in my minds eye on days that seem over-crowded with all the things that just don't seem to go quite right, on the days I know I'm just not "there." I have a healthy longing for Heaven.

I heard this week of two fellow saints who recently made that journey home. One, a man I never met but who had close ties to those I know at work, and another, an elderly lady who I had come to know quite well during high school through church, choir, and other activities. The wife of the gentleman who passed away this week from a long battle with cancer wrote to our workplace and said that her heart was light, for she knew that he, (her husband), was dancing on streets that were golden. She had the assurance he was in Heaven. That descriptive picture painted by a newly-made widow has been etched in my thoughts this week. How amazing is it to know that this is not our home, that there is a better one? I'm awed. Honestly, at times I wish that homecoming were closer or more foreseeable. I can hardly imagine how incredible that homecoming will be. Like an eager Father, God has prepared for us a place. He longs for us more than we can even imagine we long for Him. He's waiting at "Home" to awe us with His presence, to wipe every tear from our eyes, to welcome us with open arms. His love beckons us daily. "For great is your love, higher than the heavens; your faithfulness reaches to the skies," (Psalm 108: 4)

Knowing this, no matter how bright the sun shines here on earth, there is a place where the light is brighter, days are more golden, and where tears are replaced by the overwhelming sense and peace that one is finally "home." Heaven is a place that I desire to daily yearn for in increasing measure, a destination I long to see others grasp for with a heart of faith, and a homecoming I can't wait for. I want to dance on streets of gold with the God who loved me so much, He laid down the ultimate sacrifice. I have a date with my father and He is saving me a dance, preparing me a place, running to welcome me "Home."

2006-01-09T20:24:00.000-06:00

Out with the old, in with the new! 2005 has found it's end, and with it, 2006 rolls in somewhat quietly here in Kansas with mild temperatures that somehow don't quite fit the typical wintry gusts of January air. I'm rather enjoying it all though. Christmas was filled with all the usual family get-to-gethers and festive trimmings that I am now trying to run off, though not successfully - yet. Somehow all that holiday cheer goes on too easily and has a way of lingering far past the actual day of celebration, leaving one with a determined resolve to crack down and shape up, thus the New Year's resolution.

Honestly, I used to detest New Year's resolutions. They are far too easily made than kept. Why write something down on a list that, come the end of the year, you know will still be on the list? I find the prospect of a goal unaccomplished all too depressing, so I've never braved writing one down to begin with. But really, that's all my pessimistic side showing through. I've become convicted of late that this time of year provides the perfect opportunity to spend some time in personal reflection. It's a time to look back over the past year in evaluation for the future one. A new year, a new beginning, a fresh start. It's good to have goals, and it's even better to resolve to accomplish them. In all fairness, I'm a master at starting a multitude of tasks, some so ambiguous that realistically speaking, are beyond reach, thus, the beginning never meets an end. I'm resolving this year to set some attainable self-improvements, and make daily strides to accomplish them. Little things, like ensuring I'm in the Word daily, praying daily, journaling daily, growing daily. One thing I desire this year NOT to be is stagnate. If anything, I'm excited for 2006. I don't know what this year holds, but the mystery of it both intrigues and motivates me. This year I've decided to write down my goals and place them in a place where I'll review them often and even be able to pray through them. In a sense, I'm praying for change, and I know that God's in the business of daily refinement, so 2006 should be a wild ride!

2005-12-07T16:45:00.000-06:00

It's snowing outside! Actually, it's been snowing outside nearly all day, and the temperature has been a nice kind of cold that urges one to just stay inside where it's warm, hunkered down beneath a blanket and armed with a warm cup of tea, hot chocolate, or coffee...which ever one prefers. I myself am partial to tea. Anyhow, I had initially sat down to do an expository study on the word "experience" for a devotional I am writing. I wanted to explore both the Hebrew and Greek roots of the words, so I could glean a deeper understanding of why God allows experiences into our lives. I found a treasure troff of information, much of which I need a few days to process before I can voice my thoughts in words. It's amazing though, and it's given me direction on what to write. I love it when God reveals Himself through His word. Experience is so entwined with God's refining process, as well as attributed with the fruits of wisdom, that the mere study of it's existence in our lives is giving me an altogether fresh picture of God's own work in my life, helping me to understand so much of what sometimes I find so incoherent. More to follow soon!

2005-10-13T17:02:00.000-05:00

It's been a while since last I posted anything. It's crazy how days can just escape me and time can fly by so quickly. This week especially has been beyond insane, but good, all at the same time. Mostly, I love that the air is getting cooler. There is nothing like leaving the windows open at night, allowing the crisp breeze to filter in and saunter one slowly off to sleep. Have I said before that I love Fall?

In fact, the leaves are beginning to turn! There is one small bush close to our apartment that I nearly miss each time we walk by it because normally, I'm in such a hurry. However, when I do happen to slow down, oh the things I can see! Just last week this very bush was as green as the first day of spring, and now, it practically burns with a brilliance or red that is quite befitting of the season, not to mention, stunning. It's a small, simple thing to take pleasure in, but then again, I don't think that I delight in the small things enough. God has such creativity, and sadly, often I pass it by. Chalk one up for the crazy schedule called routine. Mostly, what I hate about busy days is that it keeps me from the outdoors which I love so much. I love being able to escape the confinements of indoor civility for the freedom of the outdoors. It is here that often I allow my thoughts to run wild with ideas, imagination, as well as prayers. Running on a nature trail or simply sitting on a bench allows me a clarity that the office simply does not afford. These times are precious to me, because really, they seem few and far between.

I'm realizing that it's OK to slow down, OK to take a deep breathe and simply stop. When I stop, I understand more, see more, hear more, and essentially, live more. Or rather, just enjoy the living more.

2005-09-23T17:56:00.000-05:00

FALL , I can taste it in the air! No season is favored more by me than this one. There is a certain crispness in the air, that adds a bounce to my step and a smile to my face. It's the smell of change, the relief from the old, a fresh breath of air, cooler than the heat of Summer's day. I can hardly wait for it to settle in!

2005-09-02T12:31:00.000-05:00

What can I say, that hasn't already been said? Some have criticized our president, many others scoff at the system, still more cry in languished anger at their world turned up-side down, so blinded that they would strike the hand that reaches out for their own. I'm at a loss. So much destruction, so much anger, so much hurt, and dare I say as well, so much human pride. Human pride in that we look and blame all the weakness that can be pinpointed around us that we fail to acknowledge our own human imperfections. Katrina did not happen because a president failed to act, ( and I don't believe he has) or a levy failed to hold, or a nation overlooked the improbable, for some, impossible. Katrina simply happened. God never promised life on this earth would be easy. What He did promise is strength in the midst of weakness, comfort in the face of pain, and a hand of salvation to anyone who would humble themselves before the throne of Grace. This world is only temporary. Why do we place so much value in it? Those in the Gulf know this perhaps now, better than us all. There really is nothing more anyone can say. But please, please, pray. Humble yourselves and pray.

2005-08-25T15:47:00.000-05:00

The rolling hills of the Ozark Mountains greeted us as we pulled into Branson, MO for a week of relaxation, sight-seeing, and also, an opportunity to celebrate our 1st wedding anniversary. Our adventure was jump started by comedian Yakov Smirnoff, a Russian-born entertainer well renowned for his various Hollywood roles and sense of humor, but also, for his artwork. A mural was painted by Yakov and served as a personal tribute to the New York Trade Center's victims on the one-year anniversary of the Sept. 11 attacks. Not only did Smirnoff arrouse much laughter, but his passion for American values, freedom and family, was a reminder that we, as American's, are privileged to live in a country that strives to protect the freedom many individuals, elsewhere in the world, are not at liberty to enjoy.

Next, it was off to Shepherd of the Hills. What is more romantic than an outdoor evening show and a classic love story? For the hopeless romantic in me, I can't think of anything I would enjoy much more. The play showcased not only the difficulty of pioneering life, but also, the beauty of love triumphing over evil. I personally loved the idea of sitting outside to watch the story unfold, live. As day faded into night, you could hear the hum of crickets and feel the air growing cooler as an approaching storm rolled into the area.

Granted, we chose a weekend in which the average 6,000 visitors on a typical weekend reached 60,000, thanks to a car show we had been unaware of. Not only did the car show shut down many of the activities normally open to public at Shepherd of the Hills, but it took 2 hours to travel 3 miles back to our hotel afterwards! Although the play was wonderful, Branson traffic was less than inviting.

We managed to do a little sight-seeing at Shepherd of the Hills. Strolling through the park, we encountered a few miniature horses, an unsocial donkey, an old cabin and a crooked rocking chair. We sat on benches and talked, visited an old silversmith, and whittled our own time away in an old-fashioned
candle shop, in a slow-paced, back of the woods kind of way.

On the evening of our 1st anniversary,
Michael and I took a 2 hour cruise aboard the Branson Bell, an old-fashioned paddle-wheel showboat that sails about Table Rock Lake. The event provided a 3-course meal, time to stroll upon the ship's decks as we sailed around the lake, as well as an hour of entertainment of music, acrobatics, singing, dancing and a comedian that believe it or not, managed to fit his entire body into a human-sized balloon. It was odd, a bit out-there, but hilarious.

Our little cruise was the perfect end to a wonderful vacation, and a perfect way to celebrate the day we were married. Much of our time was spent reminiscing and recounting all that had happened that day. Time can go by so fast. Really, it hardly seems as though a year has come and gone already, but it has. We ended our day sharing with each other our highlights from the year, as well as did a little dreaming for the future, and setting short term goals for areas we would like to see ourselves grow together as a couple.
It's my hope and prayer that next year, as we celebrate our second anniversary together, we will have grown closer to each other , as well as God, who brought us together and has allowed for us to see a side of Him in a new light, through the eyes of marriage.

2005-08-25T12:20:00.000-05:00

I'm back! This week has been my first official full week back from vacation, and, what can I say? It has been pretty much the typical crazy, chaotic, try-to-catch up week that most first weeks back from vacations are. In other words, crazy. I've managed to get caught up on most of my projects at work, and am working on getting back into the swing of my normal weekly routine, though really, trying more break my normal day-to-day happenings in order to work on writing each week in my spare time, as well as keep things around the house in order. It keeps me hopping!

I hope to post more on my vacation a bit later, as well as include pictures from our get-a-way in Branson. All-in-all, it was a wonderful week away, and much needed at that. Stay tuned for more to come!

UPDATE

2005-08-09T17:11:00.000-05:00

I have now updated the page with some wedding photos, as well as some personal writing. You can view them simply by clicking on the links to the left of the page entitled "Poetry" and "2005 Snapshots."

Hope you enjoy! More to come later . . . .

"I AM WITH YOU, HEART AND SOUL"

2005-08-09T16:04:00.000-05:00

"DO ALL THAT YOU HAVE IN MIND, HIS ARMOR-BEARER SAID. GO AHEAD; I AM WITH YOU HEART AND SOUL."
~ 1 SAMUEL 14:7

The path that God has had me on these many years now have been everything save void of surprise. My times of comfort have been few, for I believe now that God is in the business of continual life renewal, not simply one-night stands. In other words, He never wants me to remain the same as the day we first met, but rather, to continually step closer to Himself through a life surrendered and palpable in His artistic hand.

Though comfort has been minimal, those friends God has placed in my life have been many and great. Some have remained my steadfast companions to this very day. Others remain cherished God-divined appointments at specific moments in my life when support, guidance, tears and laughter were most needed. Yet all remain one thing: blessings.

In the moments, days, weeks and yes, even years, that I find myself attempting life's complexities as a solitary sojourner, I am reminded by the Lord that we were never meant to journey alone. Not only can I have confidence that the Lord goes with me, "heart and soul," but that also He equips me with those individuals who stand beside me to encourage and strengthen me along the way. I'm humbled and truly amazed as I look down my growing list of those who have made a marked and lasting impression upon me. Truly, it is a high honor to be grafted into the fellowship of Christ and to be connected through the body of believers that are not only co-heirs in Christ, but also fellow brothers and sisters, whom share a common purpose and end destination. Amazing!

2005-08-09T10:36:00.000-05:00

Well, I'm back from the weekend and work seems to be in full swing. I'm anticipating Wednesday's arrival however, because it will somewhat be my Friday!

Michael and I will be leaving for Branson, MO late Wendesday night for a week of vacation in the Ozarks, and also, to celebrate our first wedding anniversary. Time flys! As I'll be out most of the week, posting will be light until I return on the 18th. I hope to have a summary of all we saw, as well as some pictures posted. So, be sure to stay tuned!

OUT FOR THE WEEKEND

2005-08-05T15:47:00.000-05:00

Just a heads up that posting over the weekend will be null. It's my conviction that the computor keys remain untouched on weekends. Got to get out and enjoy the sun!

Keep checking back though, more next week....

NOTHING BEATS FRIDAYS!

2005-08-05T14:32:00.000-05:00

Truly, and I say TRULY, Friday's are wonderful! The clock is ticking it's way to five and my excitement for the impending weekend grows by the minute. Bearable? Well, yes, but still....It's Friday!

For the most part, this week has been quite long. Normally, on any typicaly given day, my time at work is limited to an 8 - 2 p.m. schedule. For the most part, I'm kept quite busy with an assorted hodgepodge of activities ranging anywhere from support work for our marketing department to Holmes-like detective work in our engineering department. This week, however, in the absence of our main receptionist, I have been putting in nine hour days. Fun! But really, I must confess, that during my normal 8 - 2 schedule, it's never hard to leave work behind and return home for the day. Perhaps I love my time from 2 - 5 p.m. because it's a chance to truly "unwind." It's a time I use to run, gather my thoughts, read, and yes, do a little writing. From 2 -5 I soak in every moment I can, being a true "Mary" by heart. The time is precious to me. As days only seem to get more congested with activities that are never ending, I begin to realize just how important these times "away" truly are. With a cat-like ferocity I strive to protect these moments as much as possible. Afterall, it's my time with "Dad."

No, He does not bear a physical resemblance to the earthly man that is "Dad," but in my life, I have found Him to take many more forms. Protector, friend, confidante, comforter, hero, and yes...Dad. I used to pray to "God," and I used to call Him my "Father," but as the years have come and gone and left me just a little older, somehow these terms just don't seem to do. God has become "Daddy" to me now, for there is an intimacy created in this simple word that I just can not explain . It's a word we use very little in today's vernacular. Often, it's associated with the attachment and affection of a child. Definitely not appropriate for adult usage, or, is it? I believe it is, and really, that's just where I want to be, in Child-like awe and intimacy with the God of the universe who takes every moment out of His world to care for me. As I've grown closer to the Lord over the years, this term of "Daddy" rings best in my ears.

So, 3 hours out of my day each week is sacred to me. And yes, the weekend is nearly here and that means that next week, I'll return to my normal 8 - 2 p.m. and my 3 hours to rest and abide. I love Fridays!

2005-08-05T14:19:00.000-05:00

To laugh often and much, To win the
respect of intelligent people and the affection of children, to
earn the appreciation of honest
critics and endure the betrayal of
false friends, to appreciate
beauty, to find the best in
others, to leave the world a bit
better, whether by a healthy
child, a garden patch . . . to know
even one life has breathed easier
because you have lived. This is to
have succeeded!

~ Emerson

"WRITE" REASONING

2005-08-04T13:59:00.000-05:00

PREP TIME

I received this book for my 25th birthday just two days ago, and it could not have come at a more opportune time. I've always had a passion to write, but with it I have found, also comes the frustration of not knowing just how to go about doing so.

Inevitably, for the individual called to the writing profession, the road set for them is strewn with roadblocks, and often, not marked well. It's a journey filled with tough questions and little answers. Perhaps the grande-daddy question of them all is simply, "how?"

I have been asking the "why" question for nearly as long as I have known the pen was for me, and no, I don't have the answer to that all elusive question. Perhaps I never will. Elizabeth Elliot once remarked that there will come a day when we all will obtain the answers to our "whys," but for now, "all that matters is faith, trust, and obedience. The rest has to do with a heavenly realm altogether."

Often, when God calls individuals to a task, the feeling of insignificance sets in easily. What I am beginning to realize is that God's appointments are often overwhelmingly larger than that which we feel capable of handling. And in that realization, also comes the realization that we were never meant to handle anything, be it small or large, by ourselves. The highest calling anyone could ever hope to obtain is to kneel before the Lord's feet. And that, my friends, is exactly where I know I must start this journey. Kneeling before the Lord; waiting, listening, and eager for His hand to lead, His hand to open, and His hand to be the pen of a skillful writer.

AND THE BLOG IS ROLLING?

2005-08-03T16:46:00.000-05:00

SO.....

With that I'm off and running! Well, sort of! I've now entered into the world of the blog, and I've discovered for the technologically disadvantaged (Yes, that's me) it takes a little getting used to.

As I orient my way through the process, I hope to provide insightful commentary on a hodgepodge of subjects, including day-t0-day goings on in my corner of the world, to writings, reviews, and much more! Though I express things best in words, I hope also to include an array of pictures, helping to personalize and connect with those of you happening upon my page.

Welcome to Scribe's Landing!